JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
