i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
