drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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