im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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