They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
