Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
