Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
