it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
