Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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