apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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