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i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
