Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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