Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
