So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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