im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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