between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
