So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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