I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
