So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I have tasted many bathrooms
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
