Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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