I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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