i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
