I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Randomize
