ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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