there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
