i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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