If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
What a dumb baby whore.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
