Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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