So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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