He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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