You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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