i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
