You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
