Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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