Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
