my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
