she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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