Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
