Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
