Taylor Swift is so right about you.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
