i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Shame - the story of my life.
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