when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
