omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
