My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
