Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
