All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
