There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
