Don't you send me to vm
we have pet lesbian snakes
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
