God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
