tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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