Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
