Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Randomize
