remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I need to sanitize my soul.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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