Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Randomize
