oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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