I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
