i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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